Tag: self

Connection

Adam WhitneyLeave a comment

Connecting to the past; it’s a weird feeling. Like putting on a new sweater that feels like you’ve been wearing it for years. All you know is that you like, and that it fits. I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and self discovery over the past year, and one thing I’ve really connected with is the tradition of oral storytelling. Now, I don’t have too many stories, but the way I’ve done it feels right. Before any judgement, be prepared, because it’s a stretch. To me, the connection comes through Dungeons and Dragons.

Now, I know, you’re probably thinking, “Adam, how does D&D relate at all to any sort of oral tradition?” And you’re right! Like I said, it’s a stretch, and certainly doesn’t always apply. For me, though, being able to tell a story with my friends using mainly our minds on the spot and some imaginative thinking fills that role. More so as a player over a dungeon master, but more on that later. Being able to embody a character fully and immerse yourself into their narrative is a feeling that can’t really be described; it just sort of happens, and you fall into the ride. Going between person to person and filling the world that’s being created with living thoughts and ideas… the power is wild.

As I mentioned previously, though, for me this connection comes more as a player in somebody else’s story. I know, again it doesn’t make all that much sense. Surely the connection would come from the person passing down the story? Well, it still does, but I know for myself I write it down beforehand and make sure it all “goes to plan” as much as one can. But being a player, and making those choices, fully embodying that character that comes from a piece of you; it’s a connection that can’t be put it into words.

This is mainly just a personal thing. I know some people might disagree, and all the power to them. But, I say, if you can find something that connects you to your ancestry, and especially if it makes you feel good, keep doing it, and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. You’re the master of your own story, so let yourself be who ever you need to be.

The image is unrelated, it’s just one I took that I like! I hope you enjoy it too!

Identity Cr(ice)is

Adam WhitneyLeave a comment

Before we begin, happy 2020 everybody! I hope your year has been great so far, and that it can continue to be so. The start of a new decade; new beginnings, or finishing a project years in the making, whatever you get up to I wish you the best! Onto the post; this post will have spoilers for Frozen II (oddly enough) so watch out if you haven’t seen it. I’ll be relating some of my personal journey onto the narrative, so if you have yet to see it and want to remain unspoiled I guess don’t read this for now? But please come back to it!

Alright, with that out of the way, let’s begin. As implied by the title, this post will be about my identity; who I am, where I’ve been, what lies ahead, and so on. An important part of my heritage I’ve discovered in recent years is my Métis background. For those unfamiliar, Métis are a group of people in Canada who have a shared background of white (mixed European) and Indigenous lineage. While I’m not directly related to the people with full Indigenous heritage (my great grandmother), I can still feel that connection and want to open up to it. However, I’m fairly pale-skinned; not that skin tone has anything to do with it, but my Caucasian upbringing makes it feel like I haven’t earned any sort of right to my Indigenous past. It’s some weird sort-of impostor syndrome, like I’m trying to fit in with people I don’t belong with.

That’s where the problem lies. Can I ever fit in? Will I ever fit in, or do I even need to seek justification? It’s a weird tug of rope I’ve been fighting in my head for the past couple of years. I’d love to connect spiritually to that side of my past, but can I really do it the way I currently am? I identify as a Métis individual, and while that can’t be taken away, sometimes I feel like I didn’t really earn it in any capacity. A lot of Indigenous Canadians had to fight for years in order to get some sort of recognition, and I’ve easily stepping in to claim some sort of spiritual past that I can’t say I really have any stake in. My family is in the process of getting status from the government, which I have no doubt in my mind that as a family we do indeed belong in (the process, however, is very long and a lot of waiting). But can I really make my claim, like some sort of settler coming in to take something that isn’t mine, just like in the past?

Now, I know you’re probably wondering, how does any of this relate to Frozen II? Well, one of the major plot points in the movie is the princesses’ relation to the Northuldra tribe (inspired by the Sámi people), which in the movie are an Indigenous population living in the forest north of Arendelle. While I’m not 100% certain on any sort of Métis relation or people in Norway, it’s clear that the princesses have a direct relation through their mother; whether that makes them full Northuldra status or not is never delved into, nor does it need to be. It’s simply a reasoning for why Elsa has her powers (the bridge between the people). As I watched the movie, I couldn’t believe it; the first Disney princesses in years to be directly related to an Indigenous population, and it felt like they were Métis-inspired with the half heritage. I felt a connection, and it was great. The parallels of Elsa’s journey to one of a queer individual now almost matched my own, with a discovery of an Indigenous heritage. But as I sat there, I wondered if she had also earned any sort of stake in this people. She’d been living in the lap of luxury for years, and had only just found out. Oddly enough, the same thing that happened to me as of late happened to her; the Northuldra people accepted her and Anna, and taught them about their past. That’s the same connection I’ve had with some of my Indigenous friends, too; they say that regardless of how I look or how I’ve been raised, I can still learn about the traditions and culture.

So, Frozen II aside, it’s been an odd coming-to-terms journey with my Métis heritage. It’ll still be a while before I feel truly comfortable claiming any sort of status beyond the name. I want to learn some of the language, and the stories, and traditions, everything. But I don’t want to be a cultural tourist. This is a way to connect to my past, much like other traditions that are upheld to connect me to my European heritage. I just need to navigate the journey ahead safely, and not step on anybody’s toes. It’s a weird life, but it’s mine.

Featured image: Photo by Luis Villasmil on Unsplash